Toilet Shenanigans

Monday, July 17, 2006

I'm having a wonderful time in Key West! I am here with Christina, Chrissy and Darcy. Yesterday, Christina and I drove up to Orlando from Tampa and stayed the night with Chrissy. We then left at 7:30am this morning to finally make it to Key West by 4ish this afternoon. It was a pleasant, if uneventful ride. Chrissy, however, did stub her toe while attempting to frighted some birds away while we ate lunch. She was left with a bloody scratch and the birds returned only seconds later.

So we got into the hotel which is quite nice for being free. Hell, it's nice regardless. Chrissy's mother apparently goes on a bunch of business trips and is given vouchers for staying at different hotels which, for whatever reason, she never uses. So she let us have them in celebration of Chrissy's recent birthday. We were put in a very nice Marriott Hotel room that goes for about $200 a night.

On with the point!

So the first thing we do is relax and Christina goes to the bathroom. I then go right after her and I feel that because I have gone so quickly (I've been known to top Olympic pee speeds) I figure that I couldn't flush the toilet yet because it was still reloading from the last round. Whatever, we abruptly left to have a night on the town and flirt with gay men. We didn't get back until around 10:20. The pool closes at 11 so we rushed to get our bathing suits on when we realized that the toilet was still trying to reload (fill the tank).

We then called maintenance and didn't have to wait very long for the house elf/pool boy/Micheal to come and fix the toilet. He walked straight into the bathroom, flushed the toilet once and it worked like magic. Magic!

We then went swimming. We walk back in at about 11:30 and realized that the toilet is again not working correctly. What? It's hot outside! We were drinking lot's of water!!

So we call maintainer again. The girl at the front desk was very nice while I apologized about being such a nuisance. The toilet actually has a note on it saying that it's a very environmentally savy toilet (complete with a comic of a toilet saying all of this) and how it may need to be flushed twice. Whatever.

Again, Michael doesn't take long to come in and take a look at the toilet. This time he spent a little longer to figure it out when he comes out and says that we should jiggle the handle to get it to work properly. At this exact moment, Darcy and I are debating just how cute this guy is. We remember that the first time he came in he seemed thin and tall but nothing special. This time we took a good look and realized that he not only has a gorgeous face but he has some foreign and exotic accent that is untraceable. I have no idea where he's from. Hotland most likely.

So he leaves and we continue with our business.

I'm settling into bed and everyone but Darcy has taken a shower and I'm ready to fall asleep when I heard Darcy from the bathroom calmly yelling that the toilet is going to overflow. "Jiggle the handle Darcy, it's not that hard!" Chrissy and I both say.

I am reminded of all the clogged toilets I have ever come across in my life. I have never actually seen one overflow before. I've seen them come close but it really seems like something that only happens in the movies. Don't they have a catch mechanism like a bathtub and sink to prevent that? They should. Because there is a first for everything.

Darcy keeps yelling and so I finally get up off my ass and go in to see what's wrong. The toilet appears to be about to overflow but I know in my mind that that is completely impossible. So I jiggle the handle. Nothing. I then ask Darcy if she held down the handle before she started jiggling it. She says, no. By this time, I hear Chrissy on the phone with the front desk telling them that our toilet is not working yet again.

The water is now up to the rim of the bowl and it's starting to go down. See, I think, it can't possibly overflow. So I hold down the handle to hopefully fix the problem and suddenly, the water starts rising and I start screaming. The water actually fell over the rim of the bowl and starting splashing to the floor just like in the movies!! I then continue screaming and start running around the room with my arms above my head to help the situation. I completely fly off the handle.

Chrissy is still on the phone with the front desk girl. The girl is in disbelief while she listens to me screaming in the background. She asks Chrissy if we would perhaps like a new room and Chrissy replies that yes, that would be very nice but that won't fix the toilet from continuing to spill pee-pee water on the floor.

The next few minutes were a blur to me. I eventually calmed down and we all began to pack up our things which is when we realize just how much crap we have brought. We had just gotten comfortable and moved things where we needed them most. When Michael and the front desk girl walk in to try and fix the problem.

I am so damn embarrassed for being caught screaming and losing control that I start giggling incessantly and I just can't get over it, my face was completely red, I'm sure. The front desk girl was pretty close to our age and she started joking with us which really made me feel better. She accused us of having done this on purpose and I commented back that I had, in fact, shoved a towel down the toilet just so that Michael would have to keep coming back. (We all have a sneaky suspicion that she likes him. Who wouldn't?!)

We finish packing up our things and she begins escorting us to our new room. As she's telling us that it is a little bigger than the one that we have just left, I hear Micheal in his cool accent saying that someone has left a soaking bikini bathing suit in the bathroom. Thank you Michael, I would have been lost without it. (and I blush some more)

When we walked into our new room we were floored. Sure, it was a little bigger than our last one. It had gone from $200 a night to $1200 a night. Which is still all free to us. It now has a sink, refrigerator, microwave, double beds and a fold out couch, two rooms, balcony, shower and jacuzzi tub. We died laughing and I am now blogging from heaven where we shall all reside until the end of our vacation (Tuesday).

For now, I'm going to finally go to bed.